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Rob Bell is one intelligent man. Had a mini Nooma marathon two nights ago with a dear friend. Found my new favorite Nooma edition entitled “TODAY”. He talks about how many of us live in the past.. And how sad it is when we think that our best days are behind us, and not before us. I glanced around at my room, and began noticing how every square inch of space is used to reflect my past. Pictures of my DTS family and me on the boat in ’Nam.. at King’s Park in Thailand.. Beside a stream in Berkeley.. On top of Mount Davidson in Frisco.. etc etc. And it kind of hit me — is THIS why I’m stuck? Am I too afraid to take the next step, in fear that it won’t be as amazing as those 6 months? I thought I was done living in fear. I thought the chains were broken. I thought I could take on the world. But I am starting to see, I may have been cruelly mislead. Latent fear. Holding me back. Again.

Gotta get through this. Gotta remember, gotta BELIEVE, that God takes us from glory to glory, not from glory to CRAP. Faith… I am afraid to stretch it. What if it’s not as ductile as I think? What if it breaks? What if I fall? Fear. Hindering me. AGAIN.

I keep coming back to the song Something to Live For by The Rocket Summer. Such fitting lyrics. “Once I was fearless, going up against the world. Optimistic, seeing all the reasons for good through the darkness. I could live through anything. Where did it go?…  I wanna feel it like I did back then but MORE!! I really need it, more than I’ve ever before! …I believed in hope, where did it go?…
Stop fearing death, I want something to live for!
I’ve been holding my breath, I want something to live for.. I want to make you proud, I want something to live for!” …

Maybe the best way to deal with this fear is to simply FACE IT.
To JUMP. Rely on the Safety Net that has never let me hit the ground.
Only question remaining now is.. HOW?

“Perpetual motion. The image won’t focus. A blur is all that’s seen. But here in this moment, like the eye of the storm, It all came clear to me. I found a shoulder to lean on. An infallible reason. To live all by itself. I took one last look, from the heights that I once loved, And then I ran like hell. Wings won’t take me. Heights don’t phase me. So take a step…” Rise Against. Ready to Fall. This is me. Ready to fall. Into tomorrow. Into what’s next. This is me. Finding clarity. For the first time in months. This is my heart. Finding it’s place. For now. This is me. Making a decision. A big decision. A major decision. A life-altering decision. This is me. Choosing to embrace. Choosing to follow. The desires God has put upon my heart. This is me. Refusing to look back. This is me. Refusing to give up. This is me. Refusing to change my mind for anything. Look out NorCal — I think I just may be coming home.